USPS mail collection boxes replaced with incinerators

All United States Postal Service letter collection boxes in the US have been replaced with incinerators disguised as letter collection boxes, the inspector general confirmed today.

The swap involved more than 150,000 boxes and was supposedly caused by ‘a paperwork error.’ Said paperwork has itself been lost due to ‘an incineration error.’ Details of who made the new boxes and how much they were paid are unavailable for the same reason.

“Whoopsie,” said postmaster general Louis DeJoy in a statement released this morning. “Honest mistake. I have complete faith the American people will adapt to these complications in due course.”

Democrats have claimed this mixup is actually a devious attempt to suppress mail-in votes ahead of the presidential election on November 3rd. When asked by The Whale-Lines for comment Mr. DeJoy laughed maniacally and hung up the phone.

The mistake cannot be reversed as the removed boxes were immediately melted down and turned into fencing to be used at Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention centres.