EXCLUSIVE: Q of the Q Continuum behind QAnon

Q of the Q Continuum playing the trumpet
Q lapping it up

In a classic case of mischief making it turns out the Q behind QAnon is none other than Q of the Q Continuum, The Whale-Lines can reveal.

The rapscallious, flamboyant demigod, best known for terrorising the crew of the Starship Enterprise, has been orchestrating the conspiracy for years as a test of humanity’s critical thinking skills.

“Needless to say, you’ve failed miserably,” Q told Whale-Line staff during a melodramatic and dimension-bending monologue regarded by all present as somewhat overblown. “Humanity is doomed as doomed gets, and good riddance.”

The QAnon conspiracy — reported anonymously online by a government insider using the moniker ‘Q’ — documents the struggle for power between Donald Trump and Satan-worshipping, child-trafficking peodophile Democrats and film stars. It is taken seriously by millions.

“I mean really,” Q continued while turning the editor’s desk into delicious strawberry jelly, “by the end I was reaching for the most outlandish stuff possible just to see how far it could go. Some people really will believe anything.”

The Q had previously suspected humans were capable of one day matching their own near-omnipotent state of being. Their opinion of us has now slipped to somewhere between house cats and earthworms.