Love discontinued after quantitative assessment finds it ‘lacking in value’

The emotion of love is to be phased out of human nature after a cutting edge study found it to be incompatible with planetary culture.

Designed by a handful of CTOs during an afternoon meeting, the FUTILE assessment uses a made up scoring system to measure all human feelings. Qualities that fall short of expectations will be purged from the species using a mix of eugenics and aggressive shock treatments.

“The human race has always believed deeply in progress, in quick wins and growth” said senior project lead Joel Jones. “We’ve heard and feigned consideration of arguments in favour of love, but the cold, hard, scientific truth is it fails all of our arbitrarily chosen and lazily measured metrics.”

He concluded: “I fully appreciate that passions are running high right now. Luckily, that won’t be a problem for much longer.”

The FUTILE assessment had a sample size of 8,748,006. Although the study found love to be a fantastic motivator, it rarely motivated people to do things the study’s designers approved of.

Empathy, loyalty, moral codes, and irreverence are also to be purged in good time.