Dakota Johnson’s feet land starring role in next Tarantino picture

Dakota Johnson's feet
Dakota Johnson's feet dazzle on the red carpet

The main character of Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming feature film will be portrayed by Dakota Johnson’s feet.

Johnson’s feet, both 30, were among a slew of stars revealed to be attached to the project in a press release pushed under The Whale-Lines’ office door last night.

The picture, entitled Bloody Knoll, portrays an off-beat yet uncannily intimate series of events surrounding JFK’s 1963 assassination, with the finale expected to be a rewrite of history in which the president beats J. Edgar Hoover to death with a golf club.

Exactly what Johnson’s feet’s place will be in that arc is yet to be revealed, but Tarantino is understood to be adamant that they have extensive, some might say excessive, screen time.

Johnson herself is not expected to feature in any meaningful capacity.