Willy Wonka declares bankruptcy following string of legal defeats
The Willy Wonka Candy Company declared bankruptcy today, citing a string of lawsuits that have made the confectionary empire’s business unsustainable.
Wonka had seemed untouchable for decades, but four horrible children have been relentless in their quest for financial compensation after being subject to highly symbolic traumatic events during an exclusive tour of the Wonka factory last year.
Company CEO Wilfred Gus Wonklestine, 48, told assembled press that all Oompa-Loompas had been made redundant and Nestlé would be absorbing the company assets. “I lose,” Wonklestine said. “Good day, sirs.”
Former heir apparent to the Wonka fortune Charlie Bucket, 11, has returned to his impoverished family and resolved never again to believe better things are possible.