REVEALED: Vanquished Martian invaders refused to wear masks

Martian war machines
Ailing Martian tripods

The Martian aliens that terrorised humankind before succumbing to infections died totally needlessly, new evidence revealed today.

Wielding extraordinary power in the form of three-legged death machines, our Martian neighbours were on track to enslave and/or liquidate all of humanity before succumbing to a nasty virus called GHOBLAR-1897. Although harmless to humans, it killed Martians within days of infection.

Decrypted internal communications reveal that Martian scientists were well aware of the mortal danger posed by GHOBLAR and told invaders to wear masks to ensure the transmission rate stayed below one.

However, the illness was widely dismissed as a Venusian hoax, with Bill Gates inexplicably singled out as an Earth-based colluder. By the time our would-be conquerors realised their mistake, it was too late.

Dispatches from Mars suggest a second invasion is not imminent, giving us ample time to reverse engineer Martian weapons and destroy ourselves first.