Surgeons protest ‘tyranny’ of surgical gloves
The world’s leading surgeons have revolted against the expectation that they wear surgical gloves during operations, calling them ‘instruments of a deep state plot.’
For years the medical profession had thought gloves were a sensible, utterly uncontroversial way of minimising risk of infection during surgery. However, after reading several source-free posts that were making the rounds on Facebook they now realise gloves breach their human rights and are quite likely tools of communist insurgency.
“These glove nazis need to back off,” said Dr Eli Jipping, co-founder of the Gloves Off campaign. “I ain’t no sheep. I’ll dip my hands in manure before performing open heart surgery I don’t give a fuck.”
Why exactly rubber gloves have become a political issue remains something of mystery, though Facebook engagement rates have been terrific lately. Just terrific. Advertisers are delighted.
Meanwhile, complications from previously routine surgical procedures have skyrocketed in recent weeks, matching 19th century rates with uncanny accuracy.