Shock, dismay as film remake nobody asked for turns out to be a pile of hot garbage

The film industry has been left reeling by the revelation that a supposed surefire moneymaker rehashing the first film of [BELOVED FRANCHISE] has bombed at the box office.

Numbers released yesterday by Box Office Funk showed that a remake of [CLASSIC FILM] grossly underperformed during its opening weekend, rubbing salt in the proverbial wound after a series of breathtakingly scathing reviews.

“I just don’t get it,” said studio head Willam B. Bland. “People loved the film the last time we made it. Why they aren’t flooding into cinemas to watch an inferior version is beyond me.”

Hopes had been high that the film, which reimagines [CLASSIC FILM] using stop motion animation and features a star-studded cast of non-voice actors, would be a runaway hit and lay the groundwork for even more remakes.

Following crisis talks last night studio executives revealed a bold new direction for [BELOVED FRANCHISE] - shifting focus to prequels and origin stories for every single insignificant detail in the original films.

It is understood that all key decision makers will be retaining their positions and receiving a tidy bonus.