The world’s academics, philosophers, and self-appointed free-thinkers are really sad after their open letter about the Oxford comma had zero impact on how people behave and will continue to behave.

Signees had been convinced the collective prestige of their names would cause the whole world to confront deep-seated, multi-generational prejudices against the Oxford comma. Instead, they were ignored. Some people continue to use the Oxford comma, others continue not to.

“I just don’t get it,” said linguistics professor with a huge ego Alain Pipinjay. “Loads of people signed it, loads of really important people. Some of us are even fairly well informed about Oxford commas.”

The Whale-Lines understands most of the signees had booked time off work to attend the parade they presumed would be thrown in their honour. No such parade has been arranged, so they will instead let off some steam in Las Vegas.