Humiliation fetishists flock to Trump campaign lawsuit teams
Hack law firms around the United States have been swamped with applications from BDSM enthusiasts keen to partake in the breathtakingly public humiliation of licking the outgoing president’s boots in court.
Thousands upon thousands have put their names forward to try and fail to discredit the results of the 2020 election, seeing it as a once in a lifetime opportunity to be dominated on the world stage.
“I say,” a Georgia judge said to one such practitioner this morning, “do you have any evidence at all for the claim that thousands of fraudulent Democratic ballots were delivered by pickup trucks on the evening of the election?”
“There’s not not not evidence, your honour” moaned the lawyer, resplendent in a full body rubber suit and enormous spiked leather collar. “Ask me another question. Please.”
The judge obliged, saying: “Under oath: by not not not evidence, do you in fact mean there is no evidence whatsoever?”
“Yes,” the lawyer wailed. “Oh yesssssssss.”
Similar scenes are unfolding in courts across the country, even in states Trump won. The absurdity is said to add to the overall experience. Although firms are doing their best to weed out sadomasochists, it’s proving awfully hard to tell the difference between them and lawyers willing to represent the Trump campaign in court.