Making good on their campaign promise of ‘two thousand dollar checks’ the Democrats today passed emergency legislation to give one-dollar checks to 2,000 lucky Americans.

The commitment proved decisive in the Georgia senate runoff races earlier this month, so it’s a good thing Biden hasn’t immediately reneged on a political home run and instead left millions of citizens to struggle during a time of unprecedented economic hardship.

“Incredible times call for incredible measures,” president Biden said during an emergency press conference this morning. “We’re putting money back in the pockets of several working families. Maybe they can share a coffee or something.”

The legislation only just squeaked through the Senate as Republicans went about rediscovering their deep, totally sincere concern about the national debt.