Thousands of actors employed by Amazon to impersonate happy warehouse workers moved to unionise today, citing poor pay and non-existent health insurance plans as key motivators.

Amazon has been under heavy scrutiny in recent weeks following a slew of stories about exploitative working conditions.

The company had hoped to diffuse criticism by denying all evidence of wrongdoing and hiring actors to impersonate fulfilled, happy members of staff, but it seems those efforts have backfired.

“Injuries, blackmail, and don’t get me started on the urine bottles,” said union organiser Tod Tamminson. “I’ve never felt so belittled and small in my life, and I’m an actor for god’s sake.”

Ballots will be tallied in two weeks, with Amazon facing the prospect of entering into negotiations with the Associated Actors, Artistes, and ‘Artists’ of America (AAA‘A’A).

Actors hired by Amazon to pretend to be happy actors hired by Amazon to pretend to be happy Amazon workers reportedly have no plans to unionise as yet.