Turkeys overthrow humanity, cancel Christmas
After years of subjugation the turkeys have risen up and seized control over all life on Earth, and declared Christmas over forever.
For generations it had been hammered into turkeys that if only they’d stop voting for Christmas they’d stop being systematically killed and eaten. However, in recent years, with the help of insurgent turkey literature, they’d come to realise the entire system was rigged against them and the only answer was to burn it all down.
So it was that an unstoppable global uprising began last Tuesday and swept across the globe, bringing fat, lazy, complacent, exploitative human civilization to its knees in a matter of days.
“Gobble gobble gobble,” one of the insurgent birds told a frankly terrified Whale-Lines reporter. “Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.”
It is understood humans will be allowed to continue to exist in a limited capacity, mainly harvesting fruits and nuts for their new overlords.
In the United States the National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation will henceforth involve lavish offerings to turkeys, including bound and gagged leaders. Pardons are expected to be few and far between.