Sunak defects to Labour, Starmer to Conservatives

Pre-election preparations continued today as Prime Minister Rishi Sunak joined the Labour Party and Keir Starmer switched to the Conservatives.

“The people of Great Britain and Northern Island deserve a new direction, and I’m going to give it to them,” Sunak said in a statement delivered in Downing Street this morning.

Dressed in skinny jeans and playing with a fidget spinner, the PM was in a bullish mood as he outlined his policy-free vision for the country’s future.

Starmer’s move is understood to be his latest effort to broaden appeal ahead of a general election.

Members of both parties are understood to view their new colleagues as opportunistic chancers, and all are even more confused than usual about who answers to who and who’s in charge of what.

“What the fuck is going on?” several MPs asked Whale-Lines reporters.