The huddled masses of the world are pining to be under the thumb of better despots, according to a new survey published by the University of Bristol yesterday.

Although most of the interviewees (12,064 from 112 countries) were resigned to the inevitability of unpleasant people being in charge, the consensus is that world leaders need to be more impressive subjugators.

“It’s not a lot to ask,” said underemployed, heavily indebted millennial Gunther Polvin. “If we’re going to have our freedoms trampled on, our labour wrung dry, and our futures sold down the river, we’d at least like the people on top to be smarter than us. Them being stupid just rubs salt in the wound.”

Another participant simply said: “Give us Machiavellian schemers, not reality TV stars.”

The survey also revealed a growing demand for a global revolution of the antiletariat that instates more accomplished bastards as heads of state.